The Memories of Days Gone By
by ArgetlamShadowmoon
Summary: The one where Castiel is human and Dean is dead, but it all works out in the end.


First of all, this fic was inspired by moonstiel's amazing ficlet on Tumblr. You should probably read it first to get some background for this story. And also go and give her some love for her amazingly beautiful piece. Secondly, I own nothing. These characters are owned by people who are not me, I just make interesting things happen with them. Thanks, as always, to the amazing Meghan for being my best friend and my number one supporter when I try to do words. Now, without further ado, please read and review!

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Castiel is 30 when the pieces finally fall into place in his mind, and the scene they depict almost makes him weep. He's just passed a man around his own age with a pair of sparkling green eyes that remind him so vividly of a pair he once knew, belonging to someone he trusted above all others...and loved deeply. With a start, he realizes he hasn't seen the Impala in 15 years, not since the last time it drove past his house slowly, without stopping, on a July day when he was outside playing basketball. There was no reason for the Impala to just stop coming, unless...and just like that, he knows. He doesn't know the details, won't know for years, but without a doubt, he knows that 15 years ago, Sam and Dean Winchester died, together, fighting some unknown force for the good of mankind.

Castiel is still 30, and just a few hours older when he breaks down in his bedroom that night. He doesn't understand how this happened. Dean is dead. Gone, never to return. Dean wasn't supposed to die so young; he was only 54. Castiel wonders what kind of creature or entity could get the better of not just Dean, but Sam as well. He knows that if only Dean had been killed, Sam would have driven the Impala by in Dean's memory to make sure Castiel was okay. Dean was gone, so how was Castiel ever supposed to tell him how he felt? How could he explain to Dean that it wasn't Dean's fault that Castiel had grown far too weary of the expectations placed on him and had decided to start anew? He loved Dean, and he never wanted to hurt him, but Dean probably hated him for what he did. That night, after screaming these things and more at his wall for hours, he cries himself to a restless, nightmare filled sleep.

Cas is 30 when Dean, in Heaven, sees Cas crying his name and screaming. He hears Cas screaming about loving Dean and how much Dean probably hated him, and Dean is hurt. How could Cas ever think that Dean could hate him? Of course Dean was upset when Cas suddenly disappeared without a trace, but when Dean saw Cas as a 5 year old with his mother, Dean understood. And Dean always kept an eye on Cas as he grew up, driving the Impala by every once in a while to make sure Cas was growing up well; he still continues to look out for Cas from Heaven, after those damn demons finally got them and took his and Sammy's lives. But he always wondered just how much Cas remembered of his previous life, and he's starting to realize that it's a lot more than he expected.

Castiel is 33 when he first decides to pray to Dean in Heaven. He's learned to deal with the absence of Dean, even found out when Dean and Sam had died, from a demon attack, no less. His family doesn't understand why he's such a solitary person. For one thing, he's never mentioned Dean to a single other person in his life, and secondly, everyone wants him to settle down and start a family. He can't tell them why he doesn't want to, so he doesn't explain. He just brushes off their questions and goes about his life. But, every once in awhile, he remembers hearing Dean's prayers to him as an angel, and wonders if Dean could hear him just the same. When he finally decides to try it, turning his head to the ceiling as if the lack of doing so would cause his words to fall short of Dean's ears, the first words out of his mouth are, "Dean, I miss you." After that, he talks as if Dean is there with him, telling him about his day, how he's doing, and how much he wishes Dean were here with him. Every day, Castiel does this, without fail, because it's not as if he expected Dean to respond, but he somehow knows Dean can hear him, and that's good enough for him.

Cas is 33 when Dean hears the words "Dean, I miss you." from Cas' lips, as if he were right there next to Cas. Everyday, Dean listens to everything Cas says and laughs at some of Cas' stories of life on Earth, cries whenever something terrible happens, and smiles whenever Cas says something kind about someone he knows. Most days are good days. Most days Cas talks to Dean as if he's not dead. But there are plenty of bad days; fewer as Cas gets older, but very common in the last few years of Cas' life. On these days, they're much like the first time Cas broke down over Dean. Cas screams about how unfair it is that Dean's dead and how much he misses Dean and wishes that Dean didn't hate him. These are the days that make Dean wish there was something he could do, anything at all to comfort Cas and to assure him that he is loved, not hated. But all Dean can do is sit there and cry because his Cas is hurting and it's all his fault.

Castiel is 78 when he passes away quietly in his sleep one night, leaving behind a whole host of friends and family who'll miss him greatly. But, he's pretty sure he's going to Heaven, where he hopes he'll finally see his Dean again, and all of the people he's lost over the years. His mom and dad, many of his friends who've passed over the years, Bobby, Sam, and his angelic former family. He never has been scared to die. He just sees it as a final adventure that everyone has to go on, and he thinks this'll be the best adventure of them all.

Cas is 30 again when Dean watches him entering their Heaven, sees his face light up, a brilliant smile brightening his whole expression when he first notices Dean waiting for him. Dean can't help but laugh in wonder at how beautiful Cas is when he's happy. He's missed Cas just as much as Cas has missed him, but that doesn't matter anymore, because his Cas has made it back to him. Dean lets Cas take as much time as he needs to get used to the scenery before Cas walks up to him, where Dean simply holds out his hand for Cas to take, saying, "Welcome home, Cas."


End file.
